Moment of truth

I am diagnosed with adhd (inattentive type) and will start on a course of Ritalin for 2 weeks before the next review.

Doctor said my IQ and coping mechanism – with routine and structures in life was essential in getting where I am now. I reckon my life would be thrown in disarray and self sabotage without such regime and self imposed habits.

Many adhd patients suffered from underachieving in life and getting ostracized, as such depression and anxiety naturally set in as well, complicating the matter.

I usually feel worn out typically after two years of work or school, and things start to pile or thrown into disarray and i’ve to exit and restart again. It frustrates me to no end.

However, at the same time I feel blessed in a way that I don’t have a cushy family background to fall back on so the only way I had is to carry on or perhaps I may somehow spend so much time alone since young that I develop self awareness and a strong mindset to keep the inattention at bay (for a short period tho).

Anyways, if it will take me a long while to complete a goal in life eg. FI compared to peers, so be it, I will preserve on without beating myself over it. Every small milestone is a win worth celebrating. I never will be the majority – I sing a different tune with my own song.

For now, I’ll observe what it is to have a neurotypical mind with medication. If the cost benefit is more than 20%, I’ll consider a longer term treatment.

The greatest gift in life is a healthy mind and body.

Getting a closure via a mental health diagnosis

I highly suspect I’m a ADHD. My sister has biopolar disorder for a decade and counting. Maybe it’s genetic that we are wired differently somehow.

I am scheduled for an ADHD assessment mid June. If diagnosed, I’d like to have medication intervention and experience what is it like to feel otherwise – normal. What exactly am I missing out from experiencing a normal mental headspace? If the clarity makes a difference to the quality of mental health significantly, I may want to take a longer run of medication.

Observations of myself from young till present which frustrates myself and closed ones including self esteem of underachieving:

– Hardly sit through dinner in one sitting without standing up and do sometime else for a while and back to dining table to eat again.

– need a timer for tasks so I don’t wander off and forget about it. I nearly burnt down the house several times while cooking and multi tasking. Walking around the house while brushing teeth and finish it abrupting or impatiently if there’s no timer buzzing off

– forget to eat at all when I’m hyper focus on something

– easily irritable when disturbed in hyper focus mood

– forgetting tasks at hand when distracted. Jumping from tasks to tasks without finishing the other.

– Procrastination of tasks that are uninteresting. Living mostly in the head instead of actions. 😦

– Cannot do without a to do list.

– interrupt people at inappropriate timing

– after people conduct small talk with me, I need to recall what’s was my last task to continue from

– extremely hard to calm down after interacting with people socially

– a lot of high traffic in the brain 24/7 that makes sleeping very difficult. Causing long term insomnia.

– Get bored easily. Never stay in a job more than 3 years in the entire 22 years of career.

– Never remember conversation details or shift attention to something else. With Covid WFH, in some mass emeetings I am likely distracted and off to elsewhere in the house doing menial tasks.

Wfh disrupted

With Covid easing, life return to “normal”. Covid period wfh is quite a short enjoyable stint for an introvert me. Now being away from home prolonged and working with majority of extrovert colleagues is not preferred

I should gravitate towards a job that suits my true nature in coast FI. Perhaps a online translator job or a clinic receptionist near the home. Time to research what it takes to do so.

Eight more years to coast FI is such an encouraging goal and a breath of fresh air. lol

Coast FI by age 50, full retirement at 55

I hope by doing the right things (below) we can get to coast FI in 8 years time which we were be 50 year olds.

At 50 we can draw down essential spent from portfolio while coast FI job pay for our indulgences or elderly parents. Then at 55, the investment portfolio will combine with our remaining CPF SA balances for full retirement spent.

The “right things” for next 8 years:

-invest 100k annually to portfolio

– invest 10k annually from cpf oa to s&p

– reach FRS for myself in 2023 and spouse in 2024

March position

Closed to 66k in the month of March invested into:

Citigroup

3m

PayPal

S&P via Endowus

Add more position into coinbase

Still have approx 100k of warchest left

Covid coming to an endemic status now, it’s tragic for introvert like me to interact with posturing humans at large who are egoistic extroverts.

The strand of hope is the BS will end in 3000 plus days with coast fire at the least and the daily sanity with my soulmate aka spouse.

Mass exodus and some updates

1. Work

Workplace is seeing heaps of mass exodus. This is what happened when a company is bought over (before 2020)

New leaders will bring their people onboard and things will change for sure.

2. The stock market

Portfolio is taking a big hit with recent rout, loaded 10k on Ping An, still have 150k of warchest to deploy this year… dunno what to buy liao, headache.

Big spending 2021 (discretionary spending)

– yaman face device approx $880

– iPhone 13 mini including MagSafe casing $450 plus after voucher

– health products $1058

– beauty /personal care $2,000

– gifts $2,000, iPad mini 1.2k for mister, gifts etc to parents / family

– clothing /shoes $500

– hairdresser $1,000

– sports equipment $100

– wfh essential $400 monitor, keyboard

– home: $688 dyson fan & beanbag

– kindle plus cover $170

– reflection:

Expected to cut down on above for 4.5k this year. discretionary total should be aiming for 6k this year.